Osama Bin Laden: Dead or Alive?

Is Osama Bin Laden dead or alive? I do believe Osama Bin Laden died of typhoid, and I think his death had something to do with Zawahiri.

Zawahiri, decades ago decided to give up his pediatric practice where he healed folks to become a Jihadist where he kills folks. This is not a reasonable person’s idea of a career change.

I think he wanted to go from the number two man to the number one man.

I figure the two were living in a cave somewhere when Osama became a bit woozy, and then developed a high fever. As a doctor, Zawahiri must have known that his chief contracted typhoid, but he had his eye on the top spot. I figure it went something like this:

Osama
Something’s wrong. I don’t feel all that good.

Zawahiri
Not to worry, Osama, it’s these damp caves. Give it a few days and you’ll be as good as new. Try to stay out of drafts.

Osama
(A few days later)
I’m concerned, Z. I feel worse. Your chicken soup isn’t working. You’ve given me so much of it I’m beginning to think in Yiddish.

Zawahiri
Okay, okay. I managed to get a bottle of Tylenol PM. A long rest and you’ll be as good as new.

Osama
(The following week)
I think I need antibiotics. This feels a lot worse than a cold.

Zawahiri
(Waves his hands, annoyed)
Hey, who’s the doctor here? But if that’s what you want, Osama, I guess it wouldn’t hurt..
(He goes into his black bag and pulls out a container of Tic Tacs.)

Osama
Funny, it tastes like mint.

Zawahiri
It’s a generic.

Osama
Z, I keep seeing you and my camera man together. You guys keep telling me that we're out of tape. How will I keep my people bolstered if they don’t hear and see me?

Zawahiri
We should have tape in a few days, Osama. You know how bad the roads are.

Osama
(A few more days later, he’s choking)
I’m dying, Z! You must continue the fight.

Zawahiri
Yes, my brother.

Osama
Farewell, comrade.
(He dies)

Zawahiri
(Yelling from the cave entrance)
Okay, guys. Get my production crew in here.

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